I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight i wanna cry

i need a real friend who understands me.

I'm always really tired for no reason. I wake up tired and it just continues throughout the day until I go to sleep. I'm getting kinda "tired" of this occurance.
I still have a lot of frustration and anger. There are some things I just don't understand.
I might be depressed. I don't know. I've never been so emotional before. I feel like such a girl. I just hope this pessimism goes away soon.
I put a deposit down on an apartment with Ryan yesterday. It confuses me. I want to do it but at the same time I feel a lot of people will be against it.

Anger is intriguing. I've never before had it so strongly. It shows what desire can do to you. I'd very much like to rant my frustrations right now but I don't think it will help a whole lot. Shame on me for desiring. I'll try not to ever do it again.

I know this is not a great subject for my first post but i can't help it. I just need somewhere to put my thoughts. I feel very alone right now. I guess i'm kinda struggling right now. With everything really. I feel stupid. i know i shouldn't be this way but my self-esteem has plummeted. I can't seem to do anything right and i just don't have that touch that i used to have. I'm always really tired and i always have something due that i should have done a long time ago.
I never have a minute to myself. I don't know how to study. my memory sucks. i study and think i'll do great and then fail it.. i don't have any really good friends. i'm surrounded by people i call my friends but no one that i truly love. i don't know whats happening next year. my boyfriend can never make up his mind. I just want to get away from everything. maybe i can move away and go to a different school. I want to escape. I just had spring break but it was non-existant. College was suppose to be a new start. what have i done? i've ruined my new start. why can't i do anything right?
I try to pray but it just doesn't feel the same as it used to. i feel empty. i want a relationship with god more than anything but i don't know where to begin. all of my beliefs have been torn down and i don't know where to start. catholic rules constantly bore down on me and make me feel like i'm doing somethin g wrong yet i can't be catholic anymore.

nmgfukb m,